Deaf Tranquil Life

Definition of Bullying...Explained.

Bullying with love.    Bullying with reason.

What? ~rubbing my eyes~  Did I actually understand a few people--especially ADULTS-- justifying the reason for their bullying acts?  Yes, they said that.

I am not going to give the links to their videos; instead I will just explain what bullying mean.

First of all, there are NO phrases for "bullying with love" and "bullying with reason".   These phrases are oxymorans.... contradictory phrases.  Bullying is WRONG, period.  What they keep missing the picture is the person or people at the receiving end.  People who are targeted end up being hurt... physically, mentally, emotionally, you name it.

Bullying with love equals tough love.  WRONG.  Tough love is a form of disciplining, with love in it, best left in the hands of parents or guardians of minors.  Bullying with reason... what reason, may I ask? 

I Googled for the bullying websites; there are MANY which address children, yes, but they can be applied to adults also.  I cam across one devoted to preventing bullying and it's very easy to understand... copied and pasted from www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/kids/what-is-bullying.aspx:

•   Punching, shoving, and other acts that hurt people physically
•    Spreading bad rumors about people
•    Keeping certain people out of a "group"
•    Teasing people in a mean way
•    Getting certain people to "gang up" on others

Also, from www.olweus.org, the types of bullying as defined:

    Verbal bullying including derogatory comments and bad names
    Bullying through social exclusion or isolation
    Physical bullying such as hitting, kicking, shoving, and spitting
    Bullying through lies and false rumors
    Having money or other things taken or damaged by students who bully
    Being threatened or being forced to do things by students who bully
    Racial bullying
    Sexual bullying
    Cyber bullying (via cell phone or Internet)

Now, the characteristics of a bully... from www.howtodothings.com/family-relationships/how-to-recognize-the-characteristics-of-a-bully:

• They characterize anxiety and intentional aggressive behavior
• They have a positive view of their behavior and violence in general
• Antics may range from intimidation to mockery, name calling, violence and cruelty
• They lack regard of what other people may feel  or insensitivity
• Hot tempered and easily provoked
• They usually have stronger physical built than their victims

What strikes me is this statement:

Many bullies think highly of themselves. They like being looked up to. And they often expect everyone to behave according to their wishes. Children who bully are often not taught to think about how their actions make other people feel.

It's no different from the adult bullies, hmm...

Plus...www.bullyonline.org is a really good website, even though its targeted audience is the workplaces.  It discusses the myths of bullying... important that you read them...http://www.bullyonline.org/schoolbully/myths.htm

BULLYING IS WRONG... there are NO phrases such as "bullying with love" or "bullying with reason".

 

Food Pyramid... Beautiful!

I came across one particular food pyramid aimed to reduce the chances of inflammation of the heart... I am copying and pasting it on my blog (hat tip to both my primary doctor's blog, http://drmaliareckons.posterous.com/dr-weils-anti-inflammatory-food-pyramid,  and Dr. Weil's blog, http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/ART02995/Dr-Weil-Anti-Inflammatory-Food-Pyramid.html.)  Both blogs I highly recommend for you to follow... yes, I have Dr. Malia as my doctor and he's awesome... he's the kind of doctor who'd spend an average hour with you, instead of a rushed 10 minutes... :-)

                            

For more information about this pyramid, check this link out:

http://www.drweil.com/drw/ecs/pyramid/press-foodpyramid.html

What catch my eye... DARK CHOCOLATE and RED WINE at the top of the pyramid :-)  But I am not too keen on fish and seafood, though.  It's interesting to make a note that there is no mention of white meats or red meats...so I'd add them to the pyramid, only in a sparingly small amounts, like once or twice a week.

Plus, I am venturing out to experiment with different kinds of grains.  Recently I made chocolate chip cookies, using only splet flour and almond flour, avoiding wheat flour.  It came out DELICIOUS... almond flour makes a lot of different, giving off a sweet moist taste.  Almond flour needs to be refrigerated.  Wheat products are one of the leading causes for health problems of Americans (white flour, mostly.)

For ones who want to compare this new food pyramid (it's NOT approved by the medical professional association) to the one we already have nowadays, here is the SAD's (S-Standard; A-American; D-Diet) food pyramid:

                                                                  

The problem with this SAD's food pyramid is the amount of wheat products... too much wheat products lead to diabetes 2, which we are seeing an alarming increase in Americans with diabetes 2 nowadays.

For more information about food pyramid, especially the one from Harvard U. which Dr. Malia recommends in his blog:

http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/what-should-you-eat/pyramid/index.html

 

Vampires and Zombies

One of my bemusment moments... VAMPIRES...zombies.  Capital letters, I understand and small case letters, I don't get it.

As we approach Hallowe'en, the bookstores have been hot selling the books about vampires and zombies, as well as ghosts.   As a middle-aged lady with salt and pepper colored hair, I am having a little difficulty comprehending the meaning of zombies.  I did ask my children about it and they did not really care about it; they understood vampires. 

VAMPIRES... I dig them.  When I was in preteens, I got hooked on Anne Rice's Interview with the Vampire and other books written by her.  Oh, mysterious, brooding, aloof, gentile vampires who blended with the shadows, with a promise of kiss of everlasting love.  Of course, as a preteen and a teen, I was a sucker for the idea of everlasting love... that came with a price of embracing and becoming one with undead.  Even watching the vampire movies, I'd logically cheer for the vanquishment of the vampires, but in my heart, I'd mourn a little for the squashing the promise of everlasting love, because the vampires were the lonely beings desiring for permanent partners who they never got.  They somehow made death beautiful in a strange way.

Two decades later, in my thirties, I watched the TV series,  "Buffy the Slayer"... I rooted for Angel and Spike.  I irritately thought why Buffy could not stop slaying the vampires and just embrace either Angel or Spike?  It was a good, old-fashioned fast-paced TV series while it lasted.  It was so teenage-ish, peer pressure, jealously, etc... that was a good distraction for me.

Then, the Twilight novels and movies came along...in my 40's.  Ahhh... they brought me back to my memories of teenage stirrings and longings for the idea of permanent love that went beyond death.  Instead of dreaming wide-eyed, innocently believing that there was such thing as undead love as a teenager, I just regretfully look back at my memories with a bemused smile, realizing that it was my budding hormones which made me think that way. 

Then this year, I started noticing more books about zombies and I went like... huh?  Zombies?  Then I started to see the increase in the numbers of zombie books on the displays.  Hm.  I read the back covers and flyleaves and hmm... okay.  I decided not to buy any... but why would the teenagers would want to read them?  Zombies make death so ... UNattractive.  There's no promise of love.  Zombies' limbs just decay and fall apart, they are very clumsy, and... wet and smelly, eww!  Given a choice, I'd rather accept a vampire's kiss than have my brain eaten by any zombies.  If there's anything that I am missing, be my guest and leave a comment... I am very interested in understanding why zombies appear to be the rave nowadays...

Happy Hallowe'en, folks ;-)

 

10/29... came across the article about zombie being the rage this year:

http://www.newsweek.com/blogs/pop-vox/2010/10/27/when-the-zombies-come-i-ll-be-ready.html

The Movie "The Kite Runner"--The Meaning of A Bystander

                                                      

Last night my 10-year-old daughter and I watched the movie called "The Kite Runner" based on a novel written by Khaled Hosseini.  It was about the boys' friendship which was put into turmoil after one tragic event (bullying and sexual assault), taking place in Afghanistan.  It got me thinking about the parallels in everyone's lives, actually, and in the societies all over.  Mostly, the movie addresses the meaning of the bystander, being "neutral", and  being "independent".  I admit to viewing myself as "independent" and "neutral" a lot of times... meaning a bystander?  Yeah. Good or bad?  Depends.

Being the bystander usually brings fear, embarasment, a feeling of being stuck in muck, a feeling of helpless, a feeling of guiltiness (a LOT of it), to name a few.  We all have had experiences of being bystanders, not wanting to be involved out of fear of being targeted, out of fear of losing one's status in the society, out of fear of being caught on the crossfire, etc.  The disadvantage of being the bystander is that it ENABLES the emotional and physical pain of a victim or victims.  This leads to the bystander feeling guilty and responsible for the victim's pain.  So, the one would attempt to bury it under the rug, pretending it never happened, or one would turn on the victim to justify one's choice to be the bystander, placing blame on the victim, or one would "atone" by doing the acts of kindness, getting involved in some kind of the community activies.

Plus, the definition of "neutrality" is challenged... what does it really mean?  Okay, come up with Switzerland... it was a "neutral" country, not being involved in the World War II.  It knew about the concentration camps.  It helped with getting people out of troubled countries AND at the same time opening the bank accounts for people who were involved in advocating the Nazi movement, enabling the abuses in other countries.  It sure sent conflicting messages, all right...

One ASL vlogger discussed the meaning of neutrality in the Deaf community AND it applies to all the communites--it's captioned:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Zi3H6FFJU0

The questions we often face...  WHEN should we become involved?  OR should we steer away from whatever is happening?  WHAT would happen if we choose to get involved?  WILL we gain something or lose something if we get involved?  The questions we often face when it comes to witnessing the questionable behaviors have us debating our sense of morality (what's right and what's wrong) and our desire to be involved in any degree.

Anyway, the movie delivers a powerful message... people do suffer because of the enablement by the bystanders.  And that it's never too late for the bystanders to become involved in preventing any further pain.  A warning... there's a sexual content in the movie, addressing pedophilia (the act of sexual abuse against male children), which might be disturbing... I had to explain to my daughter about it and she understands with dismay that it happens in the real world. 

For more information about the novel The Kite Runner , check out:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Kite_Runner

Or buy or rent the movie... it does not follow the novel 100%, of course, but it's a really good movie and I highly recommend it.  There are a lot of parallels in real life which we see in this movie.

Different Opinions Resulting in Questionable Behaviors

In the light of what's happening among the vloggers from another Deaf aggregator nowadays, I want to step on the soapbox to share what I have been witnessing in the Deaf-centered aggregators over the last 4 years.

I have seen again and again at how the people react when one finds himself/herself disagreeing with a certain person's perspective... the feathers are usually ruffled and then some people would either/both blog/vlog about it, targeting certain people they disagree with.  Sometimes one would go far to commit prejudice (sexism, ageism, you name it.)  Amy Cohen Efron explained her experience with the harassment which got so bad that her workplace was contacted by whoever disagreed with her blog.  Several people have had their employers contacted, just merely because the callers disagreed with their opinions.

http://www.deafeyeseeit.com/2010/09/24/disillusionment-with-the-deaf-community/

I want to state that I SUPPORTED one's contacting another's workplace because the employee used his students to investigate on one certain vlogger's background and he revealed the vlogger's personal information online, as well as he mocked fun of her sexually... that is sexual harassment :-(  Of course, a few other vloggers mocked fun of her sexually as well.  That I do NOT support...  The point is when one disagrees, one does NOT have to resort to emotional and sexual harassment just to have an upper hand.

Sure makes the cyberspace a fun place to feel safe in, huh? Not...

I do remember four years ago, after the Deaf Bilingual Coalition's first convention held in Milwaukee, WI, amid the disagreements and agreements, I came across one blog that stated a letter was sent to one core member's employer and I was taken back by it... why would one go that far to contact one's employer?  I mentioned it in a few comments, making it clear that I was disappointed with that action and that even though I did not always agree with the core member, I still admired her a lot (even today I still admire her.)  As soon as the word spread around, the information about the letter supposedly sent to her employer was removed from DeafRead, so even to this day, I have NO idea if it actually was sent to her employer or not.  But... oh man, I believe that was my first witness of the harassment which got out of the cyberspace, affecting the real lives of bloggers/vloggers. 

Sure, I disagree and I don't mince words over it.  So what?  But actually overstepping the boundaries... not in me.  I respect people's PERSONAL boundaries, even the ones I am not crazy about.  That's called RESPECT.  

Whatever happens in Deaf cyberspace... stays in Deaf cyberspace.

 

UPDATED:  Candy's posting: 

http://candysweetblog.wordpress.com/2010/10/07/confronting-bullies/

Attitudes toward Cochlear Implants

For the last few days there have been an interesting, constructive dialogue going on over one blog owned by Patti Durr who wrote a posting "Cochlear Implants... Let's Talk" (http://handeyes.wordpress.com/2010/08/31/cochlear-implants-lets-talk/).  I have been following it, because I am a Deaf mother of a late-deafened teenage son who received a cochlear implant last year and I have seen both pro-CI and anti-CI sides debating the pros and cons of CIs, especially over the babies and children diagnosed with hearing loss.

I write this blog, with Patti's wonderful blog in my mind, having NO desire to open any can of worms, bringing up the word "audism" to this blog.  I am just expressing my opinion and how I feel about it and you are welcome to leave any comments on my blog... respectfully please.

First of all, the CI is just another hearing aid for my son so no big deal was ever made over it; instead we strove forth to meet his needs.  He is comfortable with speaking and listening, as well as being fluent in ASL.  We made it clear to him that CI was NEVER a miracle, unlike what CI companies make it look like in their marketing ads,  and that it might require some work, like some kind of AVT (at the end the sound/speech recognition assessment tests showed that he did not need any therapy; his brain picked up CI-generated sounds easily, thanks to his having been hearing when he was very young.) Nah, nah, he was never mentioned in the media or anything like that.  Currently he attends a Deaf bilingual school.

Anyway, in the "Cochlear Implants... Let's Talk" posting, the brave hearing parents showed up and shared their experiences and their feelings about the Deaf community's attitude toward the CI technology.  Of course, the hearing parents feel that the younger the child is, the better chances for attaining a desirable hearing level from the CI technology are. Overalls, they are appreciative of what the Deaf Culture offers for their Deaf children and they make efforts to involve them in the Deaf community. Kudos to them. ~hands waving~

My experiences with the attitudes from both Deaf and hearing communities toward my son with CI... I hate to say this, but he experiences more backlash from the Deaf community over his CI.  He tells me how he'd be quiet when his Deaf peers discuss CI with scorn and a degree of hostility, due to  them hearing a lot of negative/horror stories from the older Deaf people.  One time, a week before his surgery, he spent overnight at a Deaf friend's house and he watched the Deaf adults discussing CI surgery somewhat negatively, about how babies and children died from the CI... they knew that my son would have surgery and they talked about it anyway.  Also, another Deaf friend emailed me a link to a Deaf vlogger's video about a kid having his CI exploding out of his head, which is NOT true, when she learned that I gave an OK for my son to have the surgery.  From the hearing community, he gets more curiosity... "What's that?  Oh, cool.  Looks like some kind of iPod" attitude, but overalls, the majority of the hearing people doesn't really care.

Patti brought up an idea of a list of do's and don't's for the Deaf community to behave when they encounter Deaf people (children, youths, and adults) with CIs:

"- don’t look at the child as one big ole CI (or 2) they are much much more than that

- don’t be quizzing them about their CIs

- dont be throwing projections onto them re: ur own issues or concerns re: CIs

- do accept them

- do welcome them

- do love them

- do encourage them to sign

- do make an effort to meet them half way "

She's asking for more ideas for do's and don't's, so go over to her blog and share your ideas there.  One Deaf commenter expressed her concern that the teachers praised the CIs.  To be honest, I have NEVER had ANY teachers from both Deaf schools and mainstreaming schools praising the CI to my face...  It could be due to my son acting normal about it and due to my awareness of the sensitive, controversial issues surrounding the subject.  If I were a hearing parent, I might feel, think, and act differently.

I acknowledge the concerns over the way the CI companies market their products and I DO question that.  I DO question the prices of CI. I'd like to see a more balanced marketing advertisements.  I'd like to see the actual statistics of successes and failures of the CI technology. 

Overalls, thanks to Patti Durr for bringing it up, opening up a willingness to talk about the attitudes toward CIs.